february. the birthdays month. 

baby sister back in home, two bestie of mine, two ex-es and a couple of friends from mentakab kuantan and also in uni, and me,

happy birthday. 

love always,

cassie

recovery

im back to the positive me. 

days are still shit like, work flow just dont seem to end in any day, cracked my head on how to reply w/o showing too much enthusiasm, sleepless nights, emptiness. 

they are still there. but it all dont seems too bad right now. 

monstrousity

too many unfinished works. too many unsaid feelings. too many things im not allowed to care about anymore. too many people i should left unworried about me. too many restless nights. too many responsibility to hold on. too many happy faces of him that i wish to see now.



they said this is only temporary. but now this moment feels like eternal.
like a monster, its too strong to fight.

confession #1

this is not the usual cheery post. but i guess this is the only channel that i can let it all out.

been crying alot lately, used to be tough but i guess that's when im home, i have people around me all the time. im afraid of loneliness.

i thought i will be used to the loneliness and quietness for now im already in my semester 3. but the thing is, im not. and tonight is not the 1st night im stuck in this pit of hell. im all sore inside out and tears flowing non stop staining my unfinished lab journals. i want to talk i want to laugh but there's nobody. i didnt want to bother others with my stupid problems and also reminding myself the ignorance that i will get if i tell him.
friends are all out in the weekends: going back home, meeting bf/gf, partying and etc. and here's me sitting in my cold room blasting with emo songs, forever alone. i hate to use that term.
and also, overthinking, my bad habit when im all alone. make things x1000 worse. all the worst scenario i can think of is all in my mind.

at this very moment, i really really hate myself.